Showing Up For Yourself is an Art to Living Your Best Life

One of the most important questions I've ever been asked was asked at a yoga teacher training this past summer. Indeed, it was such a critical moment, though it seemed so long ago now; nevertheless, it anchored me to the present and continues to guide me in my daily living.

How do you show up...

...in your yoga practice?
...in your relationships?
...in your job or career?
...for yourself?

Through my written and oral reflections, I learned I halfheartedly showed up across the board. Indeed, my body was here, and my mind was over there, wherever there was. 

What does it mean anyway, to show up for yourself? 

Some say showing up for yourself means To Be Really Nice To Yourself or Be A Good Friend To Yourself. Quality friends would never put your down or make snarky comments: Quality friends always support one another and *really* listen. You would treat yourself as a really good friend. 

Others might say it has to do with keeping the promises you make to yourself. You knoooow...I promise to eat healthy / not spend money / go to the gym more / etc. Showing up for yourself in this regard means meaning and doing what you say, and not just saying things for the sake of saying things. Moreover, starting out strong and then faltering as time goes on (Like those New Year Resolutions that are designed for failure).  

Can you think of someone who says they're going to do something, but deep down inside, you know they're not going to, or you think, "I'll believe it when I see it?" This is a consequence of them not showing up for themselves consistently. For not keeping their word to themselves. 

All a man has is his word. - someone sometime somewhere

People catch on rather quickly when realizing what kind of person you are. If your words and actions don't line up, you're marketing yourself as: unrealiable, inconsistent, inauthentic. 

When you follow through and keep your promises, no matter what kind, you're showing up as a dependable and honorable person. When your thoughts and intentions align with your actions, you're showing up for yourself. 

Another aspect to the question seemed to ask: how present am I currently at my job? How present am I when spending time with my spouse or my family? Or how about when I'm hanging out with a friend or acquaintance? How present am I being myself? How present am I on the yoga mat? 

Am I interacting with the other person? Listening and paying attention to the current moment? Or, are my eyes glued to my phone screen or worse, glazed over while they tell me a story? Was I present with them? With myself?

These words opened my eyes to the times when I wasn't showing up for myself.  I would make promises to myself that I wouldn't keep half the time. Like cultivating a consistent yoga practice. Or writing for 20 minutes every day. 

If I wasn't showing up for myself, who or what was I showing up for? Was I even showing up? Read: was I even present AKA LIVING? 

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

At the beginning of 2018, I was unhappy at my teaching job, which further stressed me out, and frankly, I allowed it to take over my life. Believing I derived some sick pleasure from giving my 110% everyday, I threw myself into my work, and focused on creating and writing as much as possible. Going the extra miles when it wasn't necessary nor beneficial. 

While my classroom walls brightened (though it didn't positively impact student retention), my home life darkened. In fact, I would come home exhausted and showed up halfheartedly for my husband and our dog. They would get the leftovers of me, which wasn't very much. 

But oh, the parts they got: the complaints, the whining, the exhaustion, the entitlement that I, ME ALONE, I worked all day long, and I should be treated like royalty (yeah, it did get pretty bad at one point). 

I poured everything out of me, and expected others
to fill me up when in fact, it wasn't their responsibility. 

As this unsustainable routine continued, my quality of life rapidly deteriorated. My relationships across the board suffered immensely. My physical and mental health suffered. It was only after direct conflicts with my principal that jolted me back to reality, along with the words of Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam. 

LOL - number 7!

And the reality is, "Love your job but don't love your company, because you may not know when your company stops loving you."

Allow me to bring your attention to number five: "A person who stays late at the office is not a hardworking person. Instead he/she is a fool who does not know how to manage work within the stipulated time. He/She is inefficient and incompetent in his work."

YOWZA. That hurt right? Hurt me too. It's okay to admit it. My first thought was, RUDE! I am definitely not a fool. 

Then I kept reading. Number six says, "You did not study hard and struggle in life to become a machine." Damn straight I didn't!

People who live or romanticize a "grinding and hustle lifestyle" only furthers a work-life imbalance. 

All parts of your life suffer in some capacity when there isn't a healthy balance. 

This imbalance leads to poor health, and poor quality in relationships with the self, with others, and the world. We don't need to be martyrs in this sense, and if you think you do, you are sadly misinformed. 

When we show up for ourselves, we are showing others how we treat ourselves, and thus, how we should be treated by others. Showing up for ourselves is honoring who we truly are and strengthening our self-love and self-compassion. 

Consider showing up for yourself as an art. How I show up for myself differs from how you would show up for yourself. We are different people after all who have different needs and desires.

IMPACT OF MAKING PROMISES

Clarity brings abundance.

Making promises, and keeping them, programs your subconscious to believe the words you say. If you feel like your life is not going smoothly, take a close look at your intentions: Do they match your actions? 

If you're not following through on your promises, your subconscious begins to believe you don't really mean the words you say. In turn, your subconscious will stop believing you altogether, and this can cause your life to become unpredictable and hard. 

When our world is out of alignment, all the things we want and work for become easily lost in confusion. Our minds don't *really* know what it is that our hearts want, because we've told them variable things that are inconsistent. 

Conversely, when we focus on clarity, on manifesting ideas and showing up for ourselves, our world harmonizes, and the things we've visualized and focused on begin to appear. 

We clear the air so to speak.

GAIN CLARITY

What is it that you really desire? How do you know? We are bombarded with information ALL. DAY. LONG. Our mind subconsciously absorbs and picks up on things our present mind can't. 

Consequently, our minds are cluttered, not only with our own desires and needs, but the desires and needs of strangers from social media, of the media pushing through ads and noise, of strangers in passing, of our coworkers, of our family members, of our friends, of our dependents, and of our spouse. How do you truly know what it is that you *really* want? And how do we get it? 

Some will say to start with your intentions. Others will advise you to get to know yourself. These are valid and should be exercised regularly. 

Another way you can start is by writing down your goals: In this way, your values and interests come together in one place. 

Writing your goals down increases your chances of reaching them by 42%!! As opposed to ZERO, which is what you get when you don't write them down at all. A study cited by extraordinaire life coach, Marie Forleo, affirms that writing brings clarity forth, and clarity brings abundance. 

When you're clear about what you want, you're more likely to get it. 

Those odds are more appealing than zero percent!

[an action plan]

1. Take out your journal and write a list of your top 5, 10, or 15 goals for the next three years. 

2. For each goal, write out an action plan of how you can reach that goal. 

• ex: if I want to set up my own freelance business, I'd write down the actual steps I'd need to do (file business with the state, set up website, set up expenses and bank account, etc.)

3. For one week, keep a time schedule of what you're doing every hour. Knowing how you currently spend your time will help you make different decisions depending on what you want to achieve.

• ex: if I want to practice more yoga, I should be spending more time actually practicing! 
• If I'm stuck on the couch watching Supernatural for the umpteenth time, that actually goes against the promise that I've made to myself about practicing yoga. 
• In this regard, my intentions and my actions do not align. How will I ever develop a consistent yoga practice if I'm choosing to watch the Winchester Brothers battle evil instead?

4. As you go about your day, ask yourself: Does this align with what I truly want to achieve or live my life? Choose your next action wisely. 

Strategies to Gain More Clarity 

Find or create stillness amongst the noise and chaos. Journal your emotions and thoughts more often. Reflect on them: What compelled you to write those words? Find movement at various parts throughout your day. When you feel lost or stuck, take a brisk walk. Get lost in the park, in nature, in urban jungles. Take more personality tests to find out more about yourself (here's a Tony Robbins' DISC test and a 16 personalities test).  Absorb all the information with a grain of salt. You get the final say after all. 

WHAT'RE YOU SAYING YES TO?

At times, you may falter and stumble and veer off the path. THAT'S OKAY. Forgive yourself and move on! No time to dwell on what you *should've done*. Focus on what you CAN do in that moment and time. 

And if you're seeking to improve, focus on actionable steps and avoid negative self-talk. Practicing self-compassion will set you up for success to be fully compassionate for others. 

Showing up for yourself is an art, and like any other art, it will be difficult. It will be exhausting. It will require you to set boundaries and say the word NO more often. It will test your patience and make you wonder if you're doing the "right" thin

g. 

Like art, your life may be celebrated, misunderstood, or not even thought of at all. Harsh-sounding, I know. However, don't let that stop you from owning your art and living your life authentically. 

Remember, every time you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. Make sure it's what you really want.

In sum, when we follow through on our intentions and promises, we're showing up for ourselves. Continue to honor your needs and desires, as well as your values and dreams. See your words and thoughts to completion: keeping your promises to yourself will determine your success.